You might work in an ER if...

·      You can identify the "P.I.D. shuffle" at a distance of 15 feet and the "Kidney Stone Squirm" at 20...

·      You've ever had to contend with someone who thinks constipation for 4 hours is a medical emergency...

·      You've ever entered a patient's chief complaint as "I'm drunk"...

·      You refer to motorcyclists as "organ donors"...

·      You've ever had a patient with a nose-ring tell you "I'm afraid of shots"...

·      You stare at someone in utter disbelief when he or she actually covers his or her mouth when coughing...

·      You've ever thought "as long as he's got a pulse, I won't worry about that rhythm."...

·      You've ever referred to a body bag as a "To Go" bag...

·      You think of chocolate, coffee, Coca-Cola® and the cafeteria's frozen yogurt when anyone mentions the 4 food groups..

·      You've ever heard the radio report from the ambulance and put the morgue bag on the cart before the patient arrives.

·      You think that the announcement of an impending arrival in 5 minutes of two adults in a serious MVA on backboards with sirens on and anxiety at level 10 would be a great opportunity to eat lunch...  (and you know that this is more time than you usually get)

·      You have ever heard triage nurse first ask, "Is it urgent?" when interrupted from the first break in hours

·      You have four categories of patients...urgent, emergent, non-emergent, and S.I.O. (sleeping it off).

·      You automatically multiply by 3 the number of drinks they claim to have daily.

·      You feel that you can diagnose passersby at the mall based on physical presentation.

·      You don't have to ask "frequent flyers" any medical history questions because you can fill it out from memory.

·      You can keep a straight face as the patient responds "Just two beers"...

·      You give the local drunks tips on where to sleep so they (and you) won't be disturbed by a return visit.

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